Ready to hear me sound like an old man? Well, get ready. Back in my day (I literally cringed while typing that), BMWs were measured in fun, how enjoyable they were to drive. In fact, very often BMWs weren’t the fastest cars in their segments but beat their competitors with precision, agility, and engagement. However, today, things are very different. Today, BMWs, as well as all performance cars, are measured in only on way — 0-60 mph times.

Automakers are obsessed with 0-60 mph times and will do absolutely anything to insure that theirs are faster than their competitors’. Why are they so obsessed with 0-60 times? Because it’s an easy metric by which to judge cars and compare them to others. So, to customers, it’s easy to say “Well ours is faster to 60 than the other guy’s.”

BMW is one of the major players in this 0-60 mph game, often having faster times than anyone else in its different segments. So let’s take a look at the fastest accelerating BMWs of 2021, to see which Bimmer is the fastest.

BMW M5 CS

It’s no surprise that the BMW M5 CS is the fastest accelerating car in the Bavarian lineup. Not only is it the most powerful M5 ever made, it’s actually the most powerful BMW of any kind of all time, with 627 horsepower. It also receives a weight reduction from the standard M5. So while BMW claims that it can hit 60 mph in 3.0 seconds (the fastest claimed time of any BMW), it’s actually going to be quicker than that in the real world. Considering it’s more powerful and lighter than the previous BMW speed king, the M5 CS takes the crown.

Runner-Up — BMW M8 Competition Coupe

Considering that the BMW M8 Competition Coupe is just a more aerodynamic BMW M5, it’s no surprise that it’s the next fastest car in the M Division’s stable. With 617 horsepower, 553 lb-ft of torque, all-wheel drive, and insane launch control, the BMW M8 is capable of 0-60 mph in about 2.9 seconds. Having driven the M8 several times, I can personally attest to the fact that stomping its go-pedal feels like teleportation.