I’ve genuinely wondered what you buy people that are absurdly wealthy. Like, what do you buy Jeff Bezos for the Holidays? The man can literally buy a fleet of islands without noticing a change in his bank account, you can’t get him AirPods. Then I saw this Rolls-Royce Holiday Gift Guide and not only did it prove to me that there are things you can buy rich people but it made me genuinely laugh.
Admittedly, there are some genuinely cool things in this Rolls-Royce gift guide, so I won’t go all Fancy Kristen on you. However, there are still some really funny items. For instance, the Kinetic Luggage, which is a six-piece set that all feature carbon fiber and aluminum frames. That’s actually really cool because it allows them to be extremely light and strong; so they’re easy to carry but also protect your luggage. However, the overly opulent side of Rolls has to shine through somewhere, so the roller pieces have wheels with weighted Double-R center caps, just like the cars. Imagine seeing someone with self-leveling Rolls-Royce centers caps on their rolling luggage?
Adding to the rich-person absurdity is the 1:8 scale model. The model can be made of any Rolls-Royce Cullinan or Phantom owned by the person you’re buying it for, right down to the exact options of the real car. While that’s sort of cool, it’s so unbelievably overdone, with working lights, doors, seatbelts, pillows and everything. If you have a $400,000 Rolls in your garage, why do you need to look at a tiny version of it? It’s a bit megalomaniac-ish, isn’t it.
There are some genuinely useful items in the Rolls-Royce Holiday Gift Guide, though. For instance, the Aero Cowling Tonneau cover can be bought for any owner of a Rolls-Royce Dawn. Not only does it look awesome but it covers the rear seats, keeping them protected from the elements and extending the life of the interior. Plus, it can be had in essentially whatever color you want.
I personally like the Champagne Chest, which is a beautifully-made chest, covered in leather and aluminum and lined with gorgeous wood trim, that holds several bottles of champagne, as well as crystal champagne flutes, caviar bowls, mother of pearl spoons for said caviar, a removable serving tray and more. This gift is practical, as it allows you to bring champagne and caviar along with friends and family to have a nice little outing but it also makes you seem like a Bond villain. It’s the sort of thing that Blofeld would have his henchman get from the trunk of his Rolls, so he can sip champagne as he tries to feed Bond to mutated sharks.
The Pursuit Seat is also pretty cool. It’s a foldable leather and aluminum seat, mounted to a carbon fiber shaft that features a deployable spike at the bottom. So you can explore and adventure in nature with it and, wherever you want to stop and soak in the view, you just deploy the spike, stab it into the ground and have a seat. There’s even a removable flashlight underneath the leather seat. And since it’s made from lightweight carbon fiber, it’s easy to carry around and is strong enough to be a useful stick with which to beat insubordinate butlers.
There are many more items in the Rolls-Royce Holiday Gift Guide, all of which are more expensive than most entire BMW cars. Personally, I love this gift guide as it’s equal parts intriguing and hilarious. Some items are genuinely useful and some are just obnoxious rich-people stuff, yet all of them are done in the typically over-opulent Rolls-Royce way. I love it. Check it out.
